The Waning
by Rachel Helena Walsh
Born of original sin,
Bred on Catholicism.
Bountiful since birth,
Sacraments bestowed upon
White lace and screaming.
Haven’t seen a nun in years,
Tears and fears at the hands.
Confessed rehearsed soft sins.
The medals, the beads, the pictures hung.
Ceremonious celebrations of the sacraments.
The beatitudes.
The Commandments.
The good news.
The coming together of family.
Ingrained fabric of a country,
Ingrained fabric of a people.
Ancestral answers to generational silence.
Emigrating beliefs,
Living beyond the pale,
New temptations, old catholic guilt.
My mother prays, as she’s learnt to do,
Lights a candle, nothing anew.
Without family, without ceremony, without community,
Justification by faith alone,
Cut out the middleman,
Dial the direct line.
Pick ’n mix, pick your bits, palatable parables,
Love thy neighbour,
Do to others as you would have them do to you.
The shame, the blame, the clerical cover ups,
Generational trauma passed as penance.
The weight of it all.
Abuse, neglect, violence,
We carry the clergy through pocket and silence.
A prolonged poisoned papacy.
Ar n-athair a tha air nèamh.
No practice, seldom prayer, bless myself here and there,
Can’t remember the last time I was on my knees in prayer without pain,
Forgotten which side our lord sits,
A cultural catholic,
A questioning catholic,
Doubt as sin,
Swimming through currents of confused complexities,
Drowning me to a solemn stillness.
We find new communities, we rebuild beliefs.
Will I call upon the last rights when my time comes?
I’ll peacefully await my lost loved ones.
Rachel Helena Walsh is an Irish performer, artist and poet, based in Wales since 2005. She is currently working with the themes of death, dating, politics, nature and religion and enjoys working both collaboratively and solo. Credits include - Live art: SOFTEN THE SORROW, A PLACE AT THE TABLE, RAGE. Theatre: CATHOLIC GUILT, DEATH AND DATING, Threshold. Poetry: The Posh Club (performance), HEART (book), To The Sea Festival (festival poet). Visual Art: Norman and Judith, The Lust Series, The Bottles. Residencies: HouseMade, L’ART, NTW Summercamp. Rachel also works as a freelance events producer, with events including: ARTISTS FOR PALESTINE, THE OLD LAUNDRY SOCIAL, madeinroath festival.
This work was commissioned as a collaboration between CELF and Disability Arts Cymru.
